Hi. Call me by the name, “Centurion” or “Serge”. I know Centurion sounds really classy and weird at the same time but I got caught up by the bible story when a Centurion asked Jesus’ help to heal his servant in Matthew 19:10-12. There are assumptions that the Centurion and his servant is a gay couple based from historical research (though many say it’s true but the Catholic Church is keeping it secret). Now, I’m not going to cite the bible verses just to make a point. That’s not what I’m here. About the name “Serge”, well, I’ll just tell you about it next time. ;)
Then again, call me by the name, “Centurion”, or “Centy”, or “Serge” whatever you would like to call me as long as it’s not “Hotdog Balogna Pants” ‘cause that’s just playin’ mean. I’m a 19 year-old Atenean from Naga City, Philippines. I’ve been having homosexual tendencies since I was a young boy. I’ve ignored it as I grew up until I had my messed up first love with a fellow guy. After that, I’ve been trying to figure out whether I am gay or not (though I know what you’re gonna say — YOU’RE GAY!). But I’m not like that. I’m trying to figure out why I’m having this feelings that’s why I’m not yet concluding. So instead of “experimenting things” with different people, I’d rather understand who I am through a lot of thinking and philosophy. (Sounds boring, eh? I’m telling you, though it sounds depressing, it’s also fun ‘cause it makes you think better. ;) )
I am doing this blog because I haven’t been able to open up my feelings to a lot of people. My mom says I shouldn’t share much about myself ‘cause that would make me vulnerable (which is really true). I’ve tried hard to keep every thing to myself, but it kind of messed me up ‘cause I couldn’t sleep properly and I keep daydreaming of deep thoughts. And this all started when I had my heart broken.
Yep, pretty corny, huh? Don’t worry, I wouldn’t focus on the sad sobbing stories of my tragic first love though I would be sharing stories that would almost be based from it. So there, I made my first point, I am making this blog to make this as my outlet.
Also, I know there are a lot of Filipinos who haven’t been able to believe in the concept of love. One of the things why I’m making this blog is to make you believe that there is such a thing as love whether romantic or platonic. (Corny? Yeah. I know.) Well, I guess there are many factors why I can’t blame you that love is indeed true.
1) There are few role models in the Philippines that shows monogamous relationships between same-sex couples. We have Boy Abunda and his long-time boyfriend, Bong Quintana, as role models but that’s just about it.
2) Most of the time, Filipino TV series and movies present same-sex relationships as short-term dating and object of ridicule. There were very few times when same-sex relationships were presented as an object of love on television. It’s always associated with comedy. Although the independent film industry did put gay relationships into the Philippine context, but the sex scenes were always a highlight instead of showing what love is about. I’ve been a fan of indie films since I was in high school but Filipino gay films are starting to irritate me because it seems they’ve become an excuse to build a porn industry in the Philippines.
3) You can’t understand the labels. Bakla, bading, pamhinta, silahis, beki, and all those weird stuff. I don’t agree with labels especially when it sounds really degrading. But when it comes to knowing who you are, I believe that you should know where you belong. Even men and women are labeled based on their gender. Why not sexual orientation? Plus, how do you know if someone is really serious in making a relationship with you when in fact he doesn’t even know where he belongs? Filipinos are interchanging the terms gays, bisexuals and transgenders just so they could feel superior than the other. Well, I got news for you. That isn’t the case.
4) Filipino gays are said to give up every thing just so they get who they want. That’s why there have been a lot of rent boys in parks using their bodies as services for profit. But contrary to that myth, the reason why Filipino gays need to keep giving is that they need to feel secure and the only way they could think of getting that is by giving material things in return for acceptance, intimacy and love. As you may have noticed, we don’t actually have civil rights for same-sex couples so the law is not in favor (yet) with these people.
I know these are all opinionated and I admit they are. But these are only the things I’ve summed up from all the things I’ve read (whether they’re positive or negative). Now, in my later blogs, please help me answer these questions.. and question more, ‘cause that’s why we’re here - to ask and to look for the answers. We can’t keep concluding every thing that has happened to us. We have to process them - give them other interpretations.
If you have something to share, or ask, just keep posting.
So again, call me Centurion, Centy or Serge. And this is my first blog post. :)
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